StartingOverNow.com
Articles
Emotional Intelligence – Grow it for Better
Relationships and Leadership
With three children in college and one more to go in the fall I am
acutely aware of what is valued in the academic realm as measurably
important – SAT scores, grade point average, and leadership in
activities. Universities use these metrics to compare students to each
other and to predict their ability to succeed. Employers utilize qualifiers
such as status of the university and grade point average when hiring
recent college graduates because they are easy to compare when the
desk of a human resource professional is covered with hundreds of
resumes.
These measurements quantify well the objective areas that are the
focus of secondary and post-secondary education. But as am
employer and a chief executive I find them to be less than adequate for
qualifying traits and behaviors that are critical to success. This is not to
undermine the value of education - a basic threshold requirement to
achievement. I am simply saying that schools measure how well you
perform against the school’s academic curriculum. I want to know how
creative you are. How resourceful you are. How tenacious you are.
How well you read and react to social cues and can negotiate. How
well you can select the right people for a team. How aware you are of
yourself. How you manage yourself in a crisis. How you manage
relationships. How well you can inspire people to work tirelessly for a
purpose. How you can help craft and sustain a culture of mutual trust
and respect. I want to know your emotional intelligence. And your
transcripts don’t tell the story.
Your emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to control and use your
emotions in a constructive and productive manner. It is essential to
leadership and for successful relationships. It’s your ability to
intuitively communicate so effectively that you inspire others while not
being derailed by upsetting or extreme circumstances – to respond
most appropriately as opposed to reacting in haste. In order to hold
effective emotional intelligence you must first be self-aware. In a
culture focused on quantifiable deliverables – sales numbers,
decreased production time, increased cost benefits, etc., self-reflection
isn’t a priority. I say make it a priority before it costs you money, your
job or valuable relationships.
Why is it important to have emotional intelligence? Simply put – it
builds confidence. Self-assurance grows with heightened self-
awareness to a life driven by purpose and an ability to execute one’s
goals for a greater good. Confidence is essential for healthy
relationships and communication unhampered by disruptive, self-
destructive emotions. So if your behavior in certain situations is
predictably ineffective and unfulfilling, improve your emotional
intelligence the same way you build other skills, by learning and
practicing.
How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
1. Identify your own emotion at the time you are exhibiting it or shortly
thereafter and name it. (Anger, frustration, joy, grief, abandonment,
fear, love, confusion, etc.)
2. Identify what caused the emotion. (Memory from the past, friction
with a disrespected colleague, threat of looking bad.)
3. Accept the emotion and what it has meant to your emotional
development. (Is there a pattern? Are you perceived as eruptive, self-
centered etc.?)
4. Express the named emotion and the cause to whoever is
witnessing it or to someone else appropriate. (This may include an
apology, an explanation, a compliment, etc.)
If you feel that others have a pre-conceived negative opinion – they just
don’t like you or see your value on the team – ask a trusted friend how
you are being perceived. If you don’t want to do that, build your own
self-awareness by quickly naming your emotions in your own mind as
they develop, identify what causes them, accepting them and
expressing them to someone. Only then will you be able to catch
yourself and project in a calmer more collective manner as opposed to
exhibiting predictable negative behavior. Decreasing the negative
behavior will help to reform opinions from colleagues.
If you are able to identify and control your own emotions with practice,
then you are ready to put those skills to use for your team whenever
there is a conflict or need for change. For individuals to work together
they must build bridges across perspectives with compassion.
Compassion is not agreement. It is a consideration for another
person’s feelings and is essential on teams before two objecting
parties lapse into defensiveness and a toxic work environment
ensues.
How to Use Emotional Intelligence for Your Team
1. Ask yourself what you must let go of for the team to work effectively.
2. Be curious and compassionate to the others’ perspectives. Ask
questions. Articulate what you understand their point of view to be.
Use “I” statements and not “you” statements.
3. Use the steps above to understand the emotions and behaviors of
others.
4. Make a suggestion as to how the conflict may be handled with
compassion to all parties.
An example of emotional intelligence at work for a team might be: You
expect an upcoming budget meeting to go poorly because you feel you
are not respected for the work that you do for the team. Let go of that
assumption and attend with an open mind. At the meeting be curious
and ask those present if they have suggestions as to how you could
better meet your objectives. State that you understand that everyone
fears what will happen if the budget is not met. Then present your
plan, incorporating some of their suggestions. Thank them for their
cooperation. You may not agree. But they will respect the way you
handled yourself.
Successfully relating to people requires being able to read and
understand their feelings and what motivates them. Understanding
yourself and others is essential to build the emotional resonance
necessary to achieve ambitious goals in business and personal
relationships. Start now!
Email this information to a friend. Follow Mary Lee’s tips on Twitter at
StartingOverNow.
Get her free tip sheets on “Feel the Fear – How to Build Self
Confidence” and “Change – Here’s How” at the Articles and Tips Page.
Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group - a full service
executive coaching, training and consulting firm that provides
turnaround strategies for people and organizations by improving team
performance, executive leadership skills, board performance, planning
and project execution. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-
at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who
endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club
life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked out
of that to the level of CEO. Her book "Starting Over - 25 Rules for When
You've Bottomed Out" is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get
her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” at or
on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.
Relationships and Leadership
With three children in college and one more to go in the fall I am
acutely aware of what is valued in the academic realm as measurably
important – SAT scores, grade point average, and leadership in
activities. Universities use these metrics to compare students to each
other and to predict their ability to succeed. Employers utilize qualifiers
such as status of the university and grade point average when hiring
recent college graduates because they are easy to compare when the
desk of a human resource professional is covered with hundreds of
resumes.
These measurements quantify well the objective areas that are the
focus of secondary and post-secondary education. But as am
employer and a chief executive I find them to be less than adequate for
qualifying traits and behaviors that are critical to success. This is not to
undermine the value of education - a basic threshold requirement to
achievement. I am simply saying that schools measure how well you
perform against the school’s academic curriculum. I want to know how
creative you are. How resourceful you are. How tenacious you are.
How well you read and react to social cues and can negotiate. How
well you can select the right people for a team. How aware you are of
yourself. How you manage yourself in a crisis. How you manage
relationships. How well you can inspire people to work tirelessly for a
purpose. How you can help craft and sustain a culture of mutual trust
and respect. I want to know your emotional intelligence. And your
transcripts don’t tell the story.
Your emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to control and use your
emotions in a constructive and productive manner. It is essential to
leadership and for successful relationships. It’s your ability to
intuitively communicate so effectively that you inspire others while not
being derailed by upsetting or extreme circumstances – to respond
most appropriately as opposed to reacting in haste. In order to hold
effective emotional intelligence you must first be self-aware. In a
culture focused on quantifiable deliverables – sales numbers,
decreased production time, increased cost benefits, etc., self-reflection
isn’t a priority. I say make it a priority before it costs you money, your
job or valuable relationships.
Why is it important to have emotional intelligence? Simply put – it
builds confidence. Self-assurance grows with heightened self-
awareness to a life driven by purpose and an ability to execute one’s
goals for a greater good. Confidence is essential for healthy
relationships and communication unhampered by disruptive, self-
destructive emotions. So if your behavior in certain situations is
predictably ineffective and unfulfilling, improve your emotional
intelligence the same way you build other skills, by learning and
practicing.
How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
1. Identify your own emotion at the time you are exhibiting it or shortly
thereafter and name it. (Anger, frustration, joy, grief, abandonment,
fear, love, confusion, etc.)
2. Identify what caused the emotion. (Memory from the past, friction
with a disrespected colleague, threat of looking bad.)
3. Accept the emotion and what it has meant to your emotional
development. (Is there a pattern? Are you perceived as eruptive, self-
centered etc.?)
4. Express the named emotion and the cause to whoever is
witnessing it or to someone else appropriate. (This may include an
apology, an explanation, a compliment, etc.)
If you feel that others have a pre-conceived negative opinion – they just
don’t like you or see your value on the team – ask a trusted friend how
you are being perceived. If you don’t want to do that, build your own
self-awareness by quickly naming your emotions in your own mind as
they develop, identify what causes them, accepting them and
expressing them to someone. Only then will you be able to catch
yourself and project in a calmer more collective manner as opposed to
exhibiting predictable negative behavior. Decreasing the negative
behavior will help to reform opinions from colleagues.
If you are able to identify and control your own emotions with practice,
then you are ready to put those skills to use for your team whenever
there is a conflict or need for change. For individuals to work together
they must build bridges across perspectives with compassion.
Compassion is not agreement. It is a consideration for another
person’s feelings and is essential on teams before two objecting
parties lapse into defensiveness and a toxic work environment
ensues.
How to Use Emotional Intelligence for Your Team
1. Ask yourself what you must let go of for the team to work effectively.
2. Be curious and compassionate to the others’ perspectives. Ask
questions. Articulate what you understand their point of view to be.
Use “I” statements and not “you” statements.
3. Use the steps above to understand the emotions and behaviors of
others.
4. Make a suggestion as to how the conflict may be handled with
compassion to all parties.
An example of emotional intelligence at work for a team might be: You
expect an upcoming budget meeting to go poorly because you feel you
are not respected for the work that you do for the team. Let go of that
assumption and attend with an open mind. At the meeting be curious
and ask those present if they have suggestions as to how you could
better meet your objectives. State that you understand that everyone
fears what will happen if the budget is not met. Then present your
plan, incorporating some of their suggestions. Thank them for their
cooperation. You may not agree. But they will respect the way you
handled yourself.
Successfully relating to people requires being able to read and
understand their feelings and what motivates them. Understanding
yourself and others is essential to build the emotional resonance
necessary to achieve ambitious goals in business and personal
relationships. Start now!
Email this information to a friend. Follow Mary Lee’s tips on Twitter at
StartingOverNow.
Get her free tip sheets on “Feel the Fear – How to Build Self
Confidence” and “Change – Here’s How” at the Articles and Tips Page.
Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group - a full service
executive coaching, training and consulting firm that provides
turnaround strategies for people and organizations by improving team
performance, executive leadership skills, board performance, planning
and project execution. Mary Lee’s personal turnaround came as a stay-
at-home mother, with four children under seven-years-old, who
endured a divorce that took she and the children from the country club
life to public assistance from where within a short time she worked out
of that to the level of CEO. Her book "Starting Over - 25 Rules for When
You've Bottomed Out" is available in bookstores or at Amazon. Get
her FREE ebook – “Grow Productivity – A Leader’s Toolbox” at or
on her web site at www.StartingOverNow.com.
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FREE resources on
this site are:
* Starting over in
their career or
personal life
* Empty nesters
* Entrepreneurs
* Networking
* Job Seekers
* Starting all over
again
* Going through a
divorce
* Looking for career
opportunities
* Seeking FREE
career advice and
education
* Finding mentors
* Setting new life
goals
To chart your road
map to success
click here for FREE
"Worksheets and
Articles."
Turnaround Solutions for People & Organizations
Gannon Group is a full service executive coaching, consulting and
training firm that provides turnaround strategies for people and
organizations. We improve team performance, executive leadership
skills, board performance, planning and project execution through
Executive Coaching, Management Team Development, Board
Development, and Training in the areas of...
Healthcare
Business
Operational Excellence
Strategic Direction & Meeting Facilitation
Association Management
Non-Profit Management
Personal Turnaround
Sales
Communications & Public Relations
Contact Gannon Group at info@startingovernow.com.
Gannon Group is a full service executive coaching, consulting and
training firm that provides turnaround strategies for people and
organizations. We improve team performance, executive leadership
skills, board performance, planning and project execution through
Executive Coaching, Management Team Development, Board
Development, and Training in the areas of...
Healthcare
Business
Operational Excellence
Strategic Direction & Meeting Facilitation
Association Management
Non-Profit Management
Personal Turnaround
Sales
Communications & Public Relations
Contact Gannon Group at info@startingovernow.com.
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Gannon Group/StartingOverNow.com
Executive Leadership Coaching - Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations
Executive Leadership Coaching - Productivity Solutions for People and Organizations
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Mary Lee Gannon's
Book "Starting Over" is
available in bookstores
everywhere or at
Amazon.com - 5 Stars!
Book "Starting Over" is
available in bookstores
everywhere or at
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